For The Women Who Don’t Feel Like Leaders: This Is For You | School of Becoming

Do you think of yourself as a leader?

I hope so. But if you’re a woman, the answer is likely no! Studies find that even young girls don’t see themselves as leaders, despite the fact that women score higher than men in most leadership skills.

I work with high-achieving women entrepreneurs and professionals, and I’m heartbroken by how many of you don’t see yourselves as leaders.

Yet you have a vision to run an entrepreneurial empire or get that corner office. You want to create a legacy and impact thousands. And yet… you don’t see yourself as a leader?? What is going on!?


What’s going on is this: we’re used to a faulty paradigm of leadership that is grossly outdated and patriarchal. It’s hierarchical, title-oriented, and authoritarian. It doesn’t reflect who we are or how we see ourselves, and it doesn’t feel good. No wonder so many women — and people of all genders — don’t identify as leaders.

This must change. We need a new paradigm of leadership, one that embraces our true nature as spiritual beings having human experiences. One that allows us to show up as our whole, brilliant, unapologetic, compassionate selves. 

The new paradigm of leadership is this: Enlightenment + Empowerment. And this is what it looks like in action: 


My client Jen was running her own business and parenting three children when she started to work with me. To most outsiders, it would be obvious that Jen was a leader. But she didn’t see herself that way. And when she saw opportunities come up for a speaking gig, or to collaborate with another expert in her industry… she would avoid them. She thought, I’m not a leader, so what’s the point? 

The problem was that every time Jen believed this thought, she was abdicating her power. She was letting circumstances and people buffet her around like a leaf in the wind, never taking or even realizing how much responsibility was available to her for what she desired. She would say things like, “I don’t know what I want my business to look like.” Or, “I’m not sure how to enforce boundaries with my kids.” Thoughts like these lead to stress, pressure, and overwhelm. Sure, you’re busy doing “things” but you’re not showing up to your life from a place of awareness and leadership. 

(Word to the wise: thoughts like “I don’t know,” confusion, lack of clarity, and lack of focus… they’re all signs you’re giving up your power and avoiding your ability to lead.) 

What happened when Jen started doing mindset work with me is she began allowing herself to SEE herself as the leader she is. She changed her perception of herself. She shifted her identity. Her eyes were opened to her tremendous personal power. Now she takes responsibility for what she wants and action towards her desires. She is reclaiming her power because she recognizes that SHE is the leader of her life. 


Self-leadership is where it all begins. That’s how we access our power of choice and the self-agency we have. We become enlightened: our consciousness is raised to a new level of awareness, of possibility, of understanding our power to lead the lives we’ve always dreamed of. 

And what happens is this:  

1. You never feel like a “victim” again.
When you don’t see yourself as a leader, you keep yourself stuck in a powerless prison. It’s no wonder you don’t feel how you want to feel, make the kind of money you want to make, or get that promotion you’ve earned. You must see yourself as a leader and take responsibility to actualize what you desire. And the interesting part is that as soon as you are willing to see yourself as a leader… the change is instantaneous. You stand up a little taller. You put your shoulders back. You hold your head high. You feel a sense of power that has always been available but you’ve never claimed before.

2. You have less stress… and more time
When you recognize yourself as the leader you are, your willingness to ask for help and delegate immediately upgrades. You realize you don’t have to be all the things to all people. When you lead your life, your focus becomes crystal-clear. You know what you’re available for — and what you need to say no to. The result? Less time doing busy work. Less stress about pleasing people and getting their approval. More time for the work that truly matters. And, your confidence soars, increasing your ability to actually lead, influence, and inspire others!

3. Your Impact Reverberates Through the Ages
This new paradigm of leadership is exactly what we must teach the generations coming after us, whether that’s women in business, women in corporate, girls, or children of any gender. We must show them they are self-leaders. Because when you see the world through the lens of your own self-leadership, you get an entirely new sense of self, confidence, and power. And it is these leadership qualities that will make a world-changing impact on generations to come.

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